Life increased in stress, good and bad one and while I felt overall overwhelmed I got to feel a lot of things. Not all of them good. I gave in to depression and got back to that thought-circle in my mind which made everything worse.
Right before I was about to break down I wrote my best friend and hoped for some mental support. She read the message but wrote me back hours later where I didn’t need her support anymore. I was disappointed and got angry. I decided to play the crushed and ignored everything she wrote me for days until we got to talk it out.
I was about to snap and write her some very angry messages when I realized how fucking dumb I was! I knew what would happen if we fight. I would lose her. She has been my best friend since 8 years now. We got through good and bad times and everything in between.
There I was throwing a temper tantrum and just about to throw away all those 8 years. I knew I would suffer horribly without her.
I realized by insisting to be right in all cases no matter what makes me actually the most wrong in here. Just because a friend omits your feelings or something that might be important to you doesn’t make them a bad friend in the first place! Because you are not the fucking center of the world and I was trying to be that and make everything for the worse for both of us.
By being self-centered and feeling disappointed and angry I made myself worse for absolutely no reason. Just because she didn’t help me asap when I needed her the most I increased my own stress and depression.
I made it worse when I needed it to be better.
And I made it worse for her, because now she felt attacked by me not knowing what her mistake was.
I was blind to what was really important and that’s definitely not me.
As you may have seen I haven’t updated in a while. I moved into a new place on my own, which is quite a challenge and adventure. Yes, it is! It has it’s quests and monsters to defeat.
Now that I settled a bit more I will try to update more frequently. Welcome back to my old followers and hello to new ones!
Keep your mind as much open as your eyes!