Disclaimer: Be aware swearing and bad words ahead. This is not for you then, Captain America.
Today I’m writing something about a topic I actually don’t want to stick to a certain gender since we are all individuals first and I give a crap about that gender stuff but of course when I was a kid I heard the sentence “Good girls don’t do this or that” often enough. I can simplify this to “Good people don’t do this or that”.
I’m done with this. I’m so done with this.
Yes, being a good person is something everyone should strive for. If people wouldn’t we wouldn’t be living like this now. Probably in anarchy and barbarism. (yeah, exaggeration is my thing) You get what I mean. But my whole life long I was “trained” to be a good person and it only got me overly worrying, judging myself for nothing and compromises.
I have a pretty good example for this fresh from this morning:
I was waiting in front of an office and since it is highly impolite to me to just barge in I waited. And I waited and then I knocked but I didn’t hear anyone call me in. So I waited again. After 10 minutes or so I was done waiting, I knocked again and immediately opened the door. No one was in business so I explained to the office lady that I just wanted to hand something in and leave but that I waited so long because no one was calling me in and the only I answer I got was pretty impolite from her, why I just didn’t come in. I tried to explain myself why I didn’t (hence it’s impolite) but I sold myself short because she didn’t care. So actually I’m the fool because I wanted to be polite. I left the office with a lesson learned.
I tried to explain my good intentions just like always. I did this before and most of the time I fell short. Because people just fucking don’t care for your intentions! What you DO matters.
I’ve had this kind of negotiations my entire life, always explaining myself and selling myself short. Not only because I’m a woman but I still think this plays a part in it. Women are supposed to make compromises and negotiate. That’s just what society expects of us.
I give a crap about gender shit and I’m done explaining myself whenever I say something. I’m done overthinking it.
If you always bend over, the world will make you bend over and over again. (Sorry, for the NSFW reference here)
There is always someone that will feel offended by you and they don’t care for your good intentions or explanation. Safe yourself that energy, time and thoughts. Confidence is sexy and confidence doesn’t negotiate and explain itself. Say things and stand straight to them. No explaining, no side sentence, no “but you know”.
Of course you are not supposed to turn into an A-hole. Empathy is good where it’s needed but not everywhere it is.
Free yourself. Live, not exist.