A couple of months ago I had one of those moments with my mum that make me wonder that I was able to stay so calmly. It was probably only due to the shock of such an accusation.
For everyone who has children or think about having them: Here is a small lesson to what not to say to your own blood and flesh.
That moment I came into the dining room where my mother was sitting and reading the newspaper. I visit them frequently. She looked up and told me about a former classmate who was in the same class as mine in primary school. (Seriously? I never know anyone of any school ever anymore because my memory simply not cares)
That girl – same age as me – has become a professional cello player at the symphonic orchestra of this city. My first thought was that I was happy for her to pursue her passion. My moms first thought was and she spoke it out loud: Why don’t you have any hobbies or play any instrument?
That was the one sentence I will never forgive her. I know she never meant it bad but this came out a whole wrong way. I lived in her house for 25 years and over the years I pursued a whole army of hobbies. From sports to reading, writing, playing video games, to singing, horse riding, crafting, painting, scrapbooking, learn Japanese for 10 years. I wrote 2 full books. One with 50k words and another one that is still on my pile with 300 pages. But no I don’t have any hobbies. Did she even met me? I’m the queen of hobbies and yet I should not have one.
When I was 6 I was introduced to that hateful utterly crappy wooden flute seemingly every child is introduced to which I have no idea why because the tune is crappy. What was meant to be an entrance to other music instruments and music in itself made me hate it and run away from it. I was never handed another instrument and children only don’t know what you don’t teach or show them.
When I was 14 I begged my parents for a bass guitar or even an electric guitar. I begged them but they refused. So I took all my savings, Christmas and birthday money to buy a bass guitar and a tuner. I tried to teach myself but I quickly realized I wasn’t making any progress because I didn’t really know where to start. I begged my parents again to pay for lessons because they are freaking expensive and would have taken more than my monthly pocket money. They refused.
So it’s not like I didn’t try. Fast forward. I’m still surprised that I stayed so calm at the face of such an accusation. And it makes me sad. Does this mean she never cared for what I do so she doesn’t know? (I know this isn’t true but this is still an underlying feeling)
Apparently reading and writing don’t count as hobbies in her book. The fact that I wrote 2 full books and an extended hard drive full of word documents aside. I pursued so many great hobbies that led me to have plenty of absolutely amazing skills. (Never argue with me about the sense of video games)
I never played an instrument because no one led me but this will change. I’m a grownup now. I can allow the child inside of me to do whatever the fuck it wants and pleases. It’s never too late to start an instrument. Yeah, I will never be the next Lindsey Stirling, David Garrett or Paganini but I also don’t care about that.
So never tell your child it has no hobbies if you didn’t introduce it to some. A child only know what it’s shown.
And no I didn’t nuke on my mom for it but it leaves a scar. This is my band aid to heal it. And next year I’ll buy myself a violin. You are never too old to start anything you desire.